Boundaries Break Curses

Welcome And Why This Matters

0:02 SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome, welcome to yet another episode of Sipping Tea with Queen D.

0:09 SPEAKER_00: Please go grab your water, your green juice, whatever we are sipping on today.

0:16 SPEAKER_00: Because child listen, today I want to talk about something that I ain't gonna lie, it may be uncomfortable for some of us, but I know there's somebody that needs to have hear this conversation, and I know there is a reason why I want to have this conversation.

Emotional Immaturity And Missing Safety

0:46 SPEAKER_00: We're talking about emotional, immature parents.

0:52 SPEAKER_00: We're talking about why setting boundaries is not disrespect.

0:58 SPEAKER_00: It is the very thing that actually breaks the generational curses that we want to break.

1:07 SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of us grew up in families where love was present, but emotional safety was missing.

1:15 SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you guys, but I'll be first and foremost honest.

1:20 SPEAKER_00: I have been an open book about how I have been raised, me and the youngest of five.

1:26 SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, love was definitely in the house, but emotional stability was far from that home.

1:36 SPEAKER_00: Was far from that home.

1:38 SPEAKER_00: Okay.

1:39 SPEAKER_00: You may have had a parent who provided for you, kept a roof over your head.

1:44 SPEAKER_00: I know mine did.

1:46 SPEAKER_00: She made sure I ate.

2:17 SPEAKER_00: But being present physically is not the same as being present emotionally.

The Book That Names The Loneliness

2:24 SPEAKER_00: And I want to reference this book that I have been reading from front to back.

2:30 SPEAKER_00: This book is called Adult Children of Emotional Immature Parents by Dr.

2:37 SPEAKER_00: Lindsay Gibson.

2:39 SPEAKER_00: She says growing in a family with emotional immature parents is a lonely experience.

2:48 SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, that line hit me hard because it if I felt like Dr.

2:55 SPEAKER_00: Lindsay was talking about me.

2:58 SPEAKER_00: Because I was able to connect with that.

3:02 SPEAKER_00: So many people are carrying wounds from homes that look normal on the outside.

3:10 SPEAKER_00: And I want to say this with 110% love.

3:14 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our parents did the best they could with what they had.

3:20 SPEAKER_00: But doing your best does not mean there was no damage.

3:26 SPEAKER_00: Two things can be true.

3:28 SPEAKER_00: You can love your parent and still acknowledge that they hurt you.

3:34 SPEAKER_00: You can understand their trauma and still not excuse their behavior.

3:40 SPEAKER_00: You can have compassion for what they went through and still decide that the cycle stops with you.

3:48 SPEAKER_00: Because breaking generational curses is not just about making more money, getting that famous degree, buying that fancy house.

3:58 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes breaking the curse is emotional.

4:04 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like finally saying, I'm not going to keep portraying myself just to keep the peace.

4:15 SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, I had to really sit with that because being a people pleaser, I'm constantly putting myself on the back burner, especially my mom.

4:27 SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you let me tell it, I went to college for my mom.

4:31 SPEAKER_00: I have a nice degree for my mom.

4:33 SPEAKER_00: When I look back on my college years and the reason why I went to college, it simply was to make her proud.

4:42 SPEAKER_00: I didn't have any want besides, oh, I want a lot of money.

4:48 SPEAKER_00: And that's what they said.

4:49 SPEAKER_00: If you want a lot of money, go to college.

4:52 SPEAKER_00: Right?

4:55 SPEAKER_00: Like it's just, it's just so it's so crazy when you take a second and you realize that everything that was pushed on to us really doesn't hold that much weight.

5:10 SPEAKER_00: The money and the degree and the buying house, that doesn't really hold that much weight when your emotions aren't entined with each other.

5:19 SPEAKER_00: And and in in resonation doesn't resonate with your body, right?

Boundaries Are Protection Not Disrespect

5:30 SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, boundaries are not punishment, boundaries are protection.

5:39 SPEAKER_00: A lot of us were taught that boundaries were disrespectful.

5:45 SPEAKER_00: We may have been taught that saying no meant we had an attitude that having feelings made us too sensitive.

5:55 SPEAKER_00: You know, over-explaining ourselves, shrinking ourselves and carrying emotional weight that was never truly ours to carry in the first place.

6:06 SPEAKER_00: And that's why I say boundaries are so so important.

6:10 SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are gonna teach your you that your peace matters.

6:17 SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?

6:18 SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.

6:20 SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are the way to teach yourself that your peace matters.

6:29 SPEAKER_00: They are the way to stop letting guilt make decisions for you and stop allowing family titles to override your emotional safety.

6:40 SPEAKER_00: Some emotional parents act as if being a parent excuses them from respecting boundaries.

6:48 SPEAKER_00: And I think that is something so many adult children struggle with.

6:53 SPEAKER_00: Because how do you set a boundary with someone who believes their title gives them unlimited access to you, mom?

7:02 SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this, I love you, but I'm sorry.

7:07 SPEAKER_00: Just because I'm your daughter does not mean that you have unlimited access to me.

7:14 SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, but I'm also not sorry.

7:19 SPEAKER_00: Because that's reality, right?

7:24 SPEAKER_00: That is where the work begins.

Healing Means Being Misunderstood

7:27 SPEAKER_00: When you are breaking generational curses, you have to be willing to be misunderstood.

7:35 SPEAKER_00: You have to be willing to be called distant, different, selfish.

7:40 SPEAKER_00: Hell, even maybe even people may consider you disrespectful, who by people who benefited from you, not from you having boundaries, and that part hurts.

7:56 SPEAKER_00: But healing is not always soft, my friends.

8:00 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes healing is choosing not to answer the phone when you know that conversation is going to drain you.

8:09 SPEAKER_00: When you know explaining yourself for the 10th time isn't going to make a difference.

8:15 SPEAKER_00: So, what's the point of explaining yourself?

8:17 SPEAKER_00: Because you already told them 10 times.

8:19 SPEAKER_00: What's the point?

8:22 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes healing is accepting that someone may never understand your boundary because they benefited from you not having one.

8:36 SPEAKER_00: Well, I know I hit someone in the gut with that one.

8:39 SPEAKER_00: I know I did.

8:40 SPEAKER_00: And let me be clear: this conversation is not about blaming parents forever.

8:46 SPEAKER_00: And let's be even more clear.

8:48 SPEAKER_00: This conversation could not just be about parents.

8:52 SPEAKER_00: You can put friends on this, you can put lovers on this.

8:58 SPEAKER_00: Whichever shoe fits in your situation, please.

9:03 SPEAKER_00: Tread lightly.

9:05 SPEAKER_00: Okay.

9:07 SPEAKER_00: It is about telling the truth so you can finally be free, my friends.

9:14 SPEAKER_00: Because you cannot heal what you can what you keep minimizing.

9:20 SPEAKER_00: You cannot break what you keep pretending is normal.

9:35 SPEAKER_00: And you cannot become the healthiest version of yourself while you're still living by unhealthy family rules.

Boundary Examples You Can Use

9:46 SPEAKER_00: You just can't.

9:48 SPEAKER_00: So maybe the boundary for you is I will not let you yell at me.

9:54 SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is I will not discuss my personal life if it keeps being used against me.

10:02 SPEAKER_00: Or the boundary is I love you, but I need space.

10:08 SPEAKER_00: Or I am no longer available to be the emotional dumping ground for this family.

10:16 SPEAKER_00: And yes, it may feel uncomfortable at first.

10:21 SPEAKER_00: Hell, it will feel uncomfortable.

10:23 SPEAKER_00: I'm not even gonna say may, it will, especially if you were raised like me to believe love means access, silence means respect, and self-sacrifice means loyalty.

10:41 SPEAKER_00: But be be honest, friends, but to be quite honest, real love does not require you to abandon yourself.

10:52 SPEAKER_00: So to the person listening who is trying to break cycles, I want you to know this.

10:58 SPEAKER_00: You are not wrong for wanting healthier communication, you are not wrong for wanting emotional safety.

11:07 SPEAKER_00: You are not wrong for choosing peace.

11:10 SPEAKER_00: Even if your family does not understand your healing, the curse breaks when you stop normalizing dysfunction, when you stop letting guilt control you, and when you learn how to love people without losing yourself.

11:32 SPEAKER_00: And hell, maybe your first boundary is the boundary that is needed for your bloodline for a very, very long time.

Choosing Peace And Closing Tea

11:44 SPEAKER_00: And that's tea for today.

11:46 SPEAKER_00: So until then, this is Sippin' Tea with Queen D.

11:50 SPEAKER_00: Keep healing, keep choosing yourself.

11:53 SPEAKER_00: Infinite blessings.